I'm allergic to the world

Some Thoughts December 12
Why does everything seem to be such a blur all the time now? Why do I find myself in the same position over and over again in a permanent half alive, restless mindset? Is this how I’m destined to be? Incapable of seeing? My eyes are shut tight and they won’t budge, they won’t seem to move. Why can’t you pry them open for me? Why can’t you peel them open and expose them to the color I crave to see. I don’t want to keep waiting, I don’t want to be on the verge of exploding every time I feel a slight bustle of my eyelashes. I’m sick to my stomach of all of this lingering. I nauseate myself at my own meager attempts of creating change. Because, who do I think I am? I don’t want to think anymore, it hurts to recount everything. I don’t want to see what it is that is burning the back of my eyes. But I can’t see, even if I wanted to, I can’t. I just need to keep waiting more. Just waiting more for that unattainable ounce of nothing that is never going to change my life.